don’t run

This story begins a few months ago when *I thought* God told me something about what he had for me in the future (not YWAM-related). It was something so crazy, that I told God he was going to have to drag me “kicking and screaming” into it (my EXACT words, via my journal) because I was not ready for it.

Basically, after a few months of thinking I heard God right and acting accordingly, I came to a point (this week) where I was just like “Look. Now that I’m home I’m starting to just live the same way I did before so if God REALLY DID say this to me, then I have to make some life changes.”

I knew that it was probably time for me to sit down and talk with God about it, because I had been putting it off for 2 months and not living in the things I thought I heard him promise to me.

I was dreading this conversation, but a few things in my life lined up and a few people sent me some messages asking if I had talked to God about it yet to where I knew: It’s time to sit down and deal with it.

So I dragged my journal, coconut water, and pens to the empty HSU bleachers to watch the sunset and journal.

My big question I was asking God, “Yes or No, did I hear this right?”.

Like God always does with me, he answered me with questions.

The first question: “If it’s Yes, what would you have to change? If it was No, what would you have to change?”

After journaling for a bit on those two questions, I realized I actually DIDN’T WANT to have heard God right on that. I would have to changed a lot about how I’m living my life right now and reacting to situations and would have to grow in a lot of ways.

I’m doing so much growing right now, that sometimes it doesn’t feel like I can handle any more.

But I made a list.


What would I have to change if I HAD heard God right?

After I finished all that, I realized that the things I would have to change actually would help me.

What would it hurt to make some positive changes in my life?

I want to say that I came out of that journaling time with a clear answer about if I heard God right or not.

But I think sometimes it’s more about hearing + moving instead of hearing + questioning.

Instead of sitting around now wondering, I’m just going to move and make changes in my life. EVEN IF I heard God wrong, it’s not going to hurt to make healthy life changes and necessary steps AS IF I did hear him right. But don’t run. Don’t run away from God. I spent 4 hours yesterday refreshing social media and trying to get my mind off of what God wanted me to talk to him about. He WANTS to talk to us and even if we’re scared of the answer, it’s not bad to be afraid, but it is bad to not communicate with him.

1 John 5:14- “This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.”

3 Happy Things: (what I’m loving rn)

  1. the Grace Museum
  2. starbucks
  3. voice messages





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