Literally every day I tell God I’m quitting. I tell him I’m quitting with what he wants me to do. I’m quitting living life the way he wants me too. I’m quitting doing “the right thing”. Every day I say “I quit”.
And every time without fail, God tells me that it’s okay. It’s okay if I don’t want the life he wants for me. It’s okay to say no to his plan. While it breaks his heart that I don’t want what my Father has to offer me, he’s told me that it’s okay to go.
That’s what free will is.
Every time life feels so hard that I can’t breathe, and I go to sleep thinking that I’ve given it all up for God that there’s no turning back, he’s always let me do what I want to do. He always gives me the choice: His way or my way.
I made my choice. I chose God a long time ago. I chose to surrender my life “even when it’s hard” and yall, now I’m feeling the heat. An hour doesn’t even pass before I get on social media and see my friends doing things I could be doing- going on fancy vacations, getting their degrees, getting engaged, etc.
And I see it’s not me. I tell God every day that I’m done. I tell God every day that I can’t do it anymore and that I’m going back to living my way, since it’s so much easier.
Life with God is not easy.
Sometimes God calls us to do the hard things. Sometimes he calls us to crazy things, like move to Australia for two whole years.
It feels like I’m in the middle of the hardest workout I’ve ever done, and I’m looking at the instructor thinking, “I’m about to die”.
The verse Hebrews 12:1 has never made more sense to me until I was living it. It says, “Let us run with endurance the race God has set before us…”
Right now it feels like I’m running a 5K, and my side hurts and I’m thirsty and all I want to do is watch Netflix and eat a big bowl of fruit. I keep looking at my coach next to me, giving him the “I’m over this” look. He’s told me I’m free to quit, and I can go home and relax. But I don’t.
I know that if I quit, I’ll miss out on the real fun at the end. The bowl of fruit and Netflix looks great right now, but it’s nothing compared to what he has for me at the end of the race.
I’m still running.
Hebrews 12:1- ” …And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us…”
- coconut water
- good crys
- “The Best Yes” by Lysa TerKeurst