Despite it being a hot, Texas summer, it is SO cold indoors!! I literally can’t go anywhere without regretting not bringing a jacket or sweatpants. Starbucks, Hardin-Simmons library, every where I go. It’s colder than Antarctica. Okay probably not, but it is COLD!
Yesterday I had a good talk with God. As yall know I’ve been working on my priorities and filling my day up with the things God has given me in THIS season and trusting that he’ll give me time and he’ll prepare me for the next season.
After pretty much failing at that yesterday, I had to meet with someone I was going to as to support me monthly. I almost didn’t go. I almost called and canceled because I was so scared of what this person would say and what I would say and how awful I would feel if they didn’t end up supporting me financially. I’ve always struggled with putting myself out there, but knowing that there is a high chance of rejection on the other end makes it so hard.
I was really getting attacked on the way over to the meeting place, so I took a lap around the street and played the song “Through and Through” by Will Reagan. I realized that this person’s response doesn’t need to determine how I feel about myself, because God is the one that sees me, knows me, and loves me through and through!
After talking with the potential supporter and gaining more financial support than I had asked for, I knew that God was fighting for me. As I walked to the car, I got a picture of God sitting in the passenger seat next to me with a smirk on his face when I got in saying, “See what happens when you trust that I’ll do the work?”
As I was driving and processing everything that had happened, the thought occured to me. What if I stopped stressing about my “weekly goal” or “making my phone calls” and just trusted that God would provide the support? Of course, this didn’t mean I could be passive, but I could stop stressing and let him tell me what to do. What if I just chose to stop stressing? What if I just stopped and let him worry about it? What if I just let everything happen in his timing instead of me forcing and getting pushy and making things go my way?
As soon as I thought about this, I felt so much peace and felt a huge weight lifted off of me. I don’t need to worry about pushing my way or forcing things to get done. All I need to do is listen to God’s prompting what do what he’s calling me to do right now.
What if God can’t get it done though? What if I “let go and let God” and it doesn’t work out? I still wrestle with these thoughts. A few months ago, I struggled with surrendering my life to God. Like my whole life. I was scared that if I got off the throne of my life that God would fail me and I would look stupid for letting him have the reigns. But honestly? Don’t I already look stupid enough when I try to do things my own way? What do I truly and honestly have to lose when I let God have control? Nothing, because I have nothing.
While surrendering life and life plans to God is scary, it takes SO much stress off of me! I know that while I do have to try, I don’t have to try SO hard anymore. I can feel peace that what God has promised me will come to pass, and it will be by his power and not by mine.
Today, I’m committing to stop stressing. I’m committing to stop trying so hard to do everything on my own. I’m committing to surrender this life and season to God and let him do his work.
Isaiah 64:8- “Yet, O Lord, You are our Father; we are the clay, and You our Potter, and we all are the work of Your hand.”
- iced coffee with no syrup and coconut milk
- getting out of the house