Let’s go back to 24 hours ago.
I went to my aunt and uncle’s house to practice my “missionary speech” for when I sit down and ask people to join my team. That was so great, but when I went home, our floor was still getting torn up and I found out we have to be out of our house for the next 3 days.
Why does that make me so angry? Like I can’t even understand why not having my normal environment makes me so put out but I think God’s trying to make me comfortable being uncomfortable.
Later last night, one of my accountability partners came over and we racked our brains for every person we could think of for me to send a support letter to and asked them all for their addresses. In the middle of that, another one of my accountability partners called and said she went to dinner with some friends and they thought of heaps of ways for me to fund raise through our church.
I am so thankful, yall! Even though I don’t have all the money that I need, people are here to help me! And God is giving people ideas for how they can help! Isn’t that so cool?
During the two hours of collecting names, I got an email from YWAM with the class code for my visa. I knew that I needed to go ahead and apply for the visa (because it takes awhile to process), but I didn’t have the money for it. The last thing I could think about was my parents.
They told me they would pay for the visa as my birthday present (since I turn 19 on the 27th woop!!) but I really wanted a laptop so I wouldn’t have to lug around the huge family one that they were letting me use. It was selfish of me, (even though a laptop is something I still want) but why would I go out and ask people for something that my parents were so willing to help with? Was it because I was so prideful to think that I could do it on my own?
I started praying as soon as I got the email (and asked my family to pray too) that God would also provide a way for me to pay for it. When I asked my parents to start praying, they said they would, but also that they could pay for it as my “birthday gift”. While I was sitting there asking God to provide the money for me, my mom’s voice kept coming into my head.
I kept telling God “No” because I wanted to do it another way. I wanted an “anonymous donor” to just give me some money randomly because God was prompting them.
After waiting (and hearing my mom’s voice about 100 more times), I finally humbled myself and went upstairs and told my mom that I would take her up on her offer.
I was so scared walking up those stairs, yall. I was scared that my mom wasn’t going to see God’s provision and how God is providing for me because this is his will for me. Yes, it was hard for me because I was worried what she would think about me, but I was also worried about what she would think about God… as if she doesn’t know God??
I am so thankful that we don’t have to worry about “protecting” God’s reputation! Thank goodness! If we were scared of what people thought about God, man, I don’t even know if I would go to church! I would be so scared that people would see all the sin in my life and think “If Kai is supposed to be like Jesus, what does her life say about Jesus?”
Yes, we need to be cautious of our actions and how we’re representing our Father. But our Father can take care of himself! I’ve never been worried that I have to help “maintain” my dad’s reputation (Maybe I should, oops). But I know my dad is old enough, big enough, and smart enough to take care of himself and what people think about him. I know he can protect his own reputation.
And it’s the same with our Father! He’s old enough, big enough, and smart enough to take care of his reputation. While I do need to be cautious of the way I represent Christ to others, God can take care of himself! He doesn’t need my help defending his reputation, he’s like a lion, just unlock the cage and let him out!
All of that to say, my parents were God’s provision for the visa. All I needed to do was suck it up and humble myself. I can’t worry about making sure my mom knows that this is God’s will for me to join staff in the fall. I can lay down my pride and deal with a clunky laptop and wait for God to provide that in another way while my visa is getting processed.
Sometimes I can’t believe this is my life. Like some nights before I fall asleep I’m like “Oh my gosh, I can’t believe I’m actually doing this.” I can’t believe I said yes to God and it is so hard but so rewarding at the same time. It’s been such a blessing and the people that I have been able to cross paths with because of this journey are absolutely amazing. I would not be able to do it without my team of 10 supporters to hold me accountable: Audra Butler, Becky Wild, Heather Brooks, Stephanie Byrd, Tina Bourgeios, Carrie Mae Bradrick, Sandy Clark, Kasha Vick, Linda Carter, and Nanette Johnson. I would not be able to do it without the constant prayer, support, and texts from these people. Thank yall!!
Today’s verse comes from Job 37. It’s when Elihu tells Job that God has authority over the storm. It’s so cool how he had authority of the storms then just as he does now!
Job 37:1-24 – “Indeed, at His thundering my heart trembles and leaps out of its place…
God thunders marvelously with His voice; he does great things which we cannot comprehend. Whether [it be] for correction, or for His earth or for [His] mercy and loving kindness, He causes it to happen. Listen to this, Job; Stand still and consider the wonders of God. He is exalted in power. And He will not do violence to [nor disregard] justice and abundant righteousness. Men therefore fear Him; he does not regard nor respect any who are wise in heart [in their own understanding and conceit].” (AMP)
3 Happy Things: (what I’m loving rn)
- hippeas (vegan chickpea chips!)
- POD flippin CASTS.
- life. life with God is good.